Meeting with a Furry Jacket Pimp
by azzami
Summary: A guy wearing a furry jacket comes to Yuuko's shop while Watanuki is alone by himself with Yuuko off on a wish granting mission. FMAxHolic crossover


My first xxxHolic fanfic!

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Watanuki was out in the yard as usual, dusting out the goods or treasures that Yuuko had accumalated over the centuries. He scowled at the duster in his hand as he crinkled his eyes up at the dust floating up, struggling to force back a couple of sneezes as he brushed dust away from a bottle of wine. Wait a minute. A bottle of _wine?_ No... Beer, more like. but it was most likely one of the foreign brands, he mused, as he picked up the bottle and inspected it closely. He seriously couldn't read the lettering... And it was pretty wasteful to him. After coming to Yuuko-san's shop, he had learned to scrape together all sorts of bottles to get through the day.

As he held the bottle in one hand and the duster in another and started to make his way back to Yuuko's shop's interior, he heard somebody entering the gate. _Another customer? _Watanuki spun around, a smile fixed readily on his face as he turned towards the customer and took in the distinctly odd appearence. Well. Not odd. Different. Pimpish. Wait a minute. Why are his teeth so spiky? He tried to smile at the man, who was looking around slowly, taking in his surroundings with a slow, curious ease.

" A-ah... Sir?"

The man turned around and faced Watanuki. His face was tanned, the hair cut into a spiky style while small, purple sunglasses sat on the nose and those _teeth_... Shark teeth. He wore a fur jacket, which on any other person Watanuki would think distinctly odd looking but somehow suited this man, who under the fur jacket had on a tight black shirt with odd red markings. Lastly the frigging shoes, who wears **POINTED** shoes? Wristbands dangled from his wrists and there was a a tattoo on his hand. His eyes, were purple. Slowly, he raised a hand and waved it languidly towards the huge, dusty collections which sat on a big mat under the sun.

" Hey... Kid, don't mind me asking, but who the hell owns this things? Some of them... Like that bottle of beer you're holding... Looks seriously nice to me."

" I..." Watanuki felt hmself freezing up. Shit shit shit shit, why did Yuuko had to leave for some sort of godforsaken wish granting mission today!? Doesn't she realizes she might miss out on customers? Especially... weird ones like this. He took a deep breath. "Umm... Well... This things aren't owned by me. It's... they're owned by a lady, Yuuko-san. She's gone for a few days, so you might want to come back later if you have a wish."

The man studied him lazily, purple eyes running over him in a curious fashion. "Really?" He leaned against the fence as he stared at Watanuki with a slight interest in his eyes. "I have a wish? So that is why I came here?" He gestured towards the house, one wave encompassing everything. "You know, I came here cos I saw a new alleyway in town, one I never recalled seeing so I came here... And so this is a shop that grants wishes? Kid... You're making me interested."

Watanuki opened his mouth and then closed it again. Then he opened it. "Ahh... I see. Anyways... If you want to come in to take a drink or something... I want to stop and rest for a while anyways, from dusting. The lady, Yuuko-san is gone today, but she might be back tomorrow, I'll tell her you came and dropped by. If... You'll most probably find a road that leads to this shop again if you have ungranted wishes... Cos... Errr... From watching others, I suppose you _can _come back, I mean --"

The man raised a hand, stopping him midway and grinned slightly. " Right, right, I gotcha. What's your name, anyways? And since you have invited me in...?" He cast a questioning glance towards the shop. Watanuki smiled. "Yeah! Yeah, of course you can come in! What's your name, sir? Mine's Watanuki Kimihiro!" The man grinned at him, showing a momentary glimpse of his teeth. "Don't call me sir, makes me feel old...Though I _am _pretty old. I'm Greed."

"Greed? What kind of mother names her child after one of the seven deadly sins?" Watanuki blurted out before he could stop himself. The man, Greed frowned slightly, his brow furrowed. "You seriously don't want to know. An old hag you wouldn't want to meet. Come on, let's go in, Watanuki, yes? You said you were going to treat me!" Watanuki tossed his duster into a box and removed his apron, placing them neatly on the steps. "Yes, I told you that. Wait outside. I'll come out after a few moments, ne?"

Greed nodded, strolling into the yard and dropping himself on the wooden platform. "Thanks. you're going to mention to the lady about me, are you?" Watanuki raised his voice in a reply as he scuttled towards the kitchen, "HAI!" Greed stretched himself, as he listened to the kid clanking around in the kitchen. _Odd name, odd place, odd things... But I like it. Just nice and fun. _The kid was as good as his word, charging out of the kitchen bearing a tray of... What the hell was that? White thingys with something black on top?

Watanuki dumped the tray onto the ground as he turned a happy face towards Greed. "Riceballs! Ne, have you ever eaten any before?" Greed stared at the kid's face who looked so unbearably happy at offering a plate of ... Riceballs... "I... Oh shit, who cares." Greed grabbed one and crammed it into his mouth, his jaws moving around furiously as he chomped his way through the poor riceball. Watanuki's jaw dropped slightly open at the way the man ate.

"Ano... Which, well, country to you come from?"

"Amethtrith!" Came the reply, as Greed struggled to digest the riceball. "Amestris." He said, after swallowing the riceball with slight difficulty. "And you?"

"Japan. This is where Yuuko-san's shop is situated."

Greed's blank stare made Watanuki suspect, not wrongly that the man had never heard of this country. Come to think of it, in geography lessons, there was never an Amestris on the world map. "Oh well, seriously, who cares! What matters that we're eating and well... The day is pretty good too, ya know." Matter of fact, it is a bit quiet today. Since Maru and Moro were sleeping... he had covered them with a blanket when he found them curled together and kudakitsune and Mokona were out with Yuuko...

"Yeah..." The strange man looked up, smiling bleakly at the sun. "Good sun. Haven't felt any for so long. Still can't get enough of it." Watanuki watched the man, hesitating slightly. He always knew something was different about Yuuko's clients, and he knew that some were from other worlds, other times. This one was most likely one of those. To try to lighten the situation, Watanuki asked lightly, "How's the riceballs? Himawari-chan said they were great!" Thinking about Himawari-chan made his face blush a deep red then abruptly turned thunderous again as he remembered about what that... That Doumeki did _again._

Greed watched the boy's face turned bright red when he mentioned a Himawari girl and turned thunderous quite abruptly. His lips twitched in a smile. "Oh, seems like you've got someone you're crushing on, eh?" _Jackpot! _Watanuki's face turned a brilliant pink as his bright blue eyes went starry as he spewed forth the great things about this Himawari girl as he clasped his hands in front of his chest.

"She's cute, pretty and kind and she appreciates my cooking! She's smart too, and she treats everybody really nicely, even though they're jerks -" His brow furrowed and turned thunderous as he thought about Doumeki. " But seriously, there's this boy, Doumeki Shizuka -"

"Your love rival!"

"NO! NO! OH CRAP." The boy's blue eyes widened with utmost horror as he contemplated the possibility. " I... Oh MY GOD. Himawari-chan always treats him so kindly even though he's a jerk... OH NO. WHAT IF SHE REALLY LIKES HIM!? I'LL _KILL _HIM! " Greed watched the boy with more than a little bit of amusement as he watched Watanuki dancing about, tearing at his hair in pure, undiluted horror.

"Relax... What's so bad about this guy?"

Watanuki's head snapped abruptly around to face him, hellfire burning in his eyes as thunderbolts crackled around him. " EVERYTHING! HE'S A JERK, HE MAKES ME MAKE HIS LUNCH, HE'S AN IMPOLITE CRETIN, HE SAVES..." The boy suddenly trailed off. Greed sat up straighter as he watched the boy stop running around in ircles and slowed to a stop, staring at the ground.

"Saves?" He prompted.

"Saves... Me." His voice was quiet. And sad. There was a bitter tone in his voice as he stared at the ground, his hands curled into fists. "He gets injured too. Badly. Almost died on more than a few occasions... I told him... I didn't want him to save me... I don't want to owe him anything, I don't want to see anybody getting hurt because of me. I'm... Well, I'm what you'll call expendable. I can't say thank you too, you know. Isn't it odd? Being unable to say thank you to the person who saves your life more than a few times."

The voice grew quieter and quieter towards the end, there was a bitter, racking chuckle from Watanuki when he finished talking. Greed was slient for a few moments. Then he pulled the boy down beside him and made him sit down. The boy stared at him, eyes slightly glazed. "Now. Tell me what this boy did to save you." He just stared at him. "He sounds like a good boy. Tell me. I'm used to getting the things I want, mind." Greed added lightly.

The boy let out an odd, sniffled sobbing laugh. "You remind me of someone, used to getting your way, eh? Anyways... It's... Like I told you, there were a bunch of occasions. Like... When that time he and I were sent to tha school... I, well, some things shoved me off the building and he came to my aid, grabbed hold of my arm and refused to let it go even though he kept on bleeding where... That garbage ghost grabbed him. And there was the Ame Warashi task, there was this little girl spirit who wanted to kill me, and he just kept on waiting there for me for ten hours, holding a freaking ribbon and standing in the rain--"

The boy's voice was stilted as he continued talking, as he rushed through things that Greed could barely make sense of. He didn't care though. He just listened. " And falling out of the window, gave the equal amount of blood I lost, giving me half his eye after I lost my right eye, transferring the grudge from the spider to him instead... Carried me home and took care of him after, well, after... Well... The lady, ne... And he was around me all those times, driving away those things that came after me..."

There was silence from the odd man sitting beside him as Watanuki raised his head, rubbing surreptitiously at his eyes as he did so. "God, you must think I'm so weird, talking about this type of weird things. Anyways, you want some drinks?" He leapt to his feet, plastering a painful smile on his face as he did so. _Talked too much... He must think I'm a freak._

There was just silence from the man. Then he spoke, softly. "Sounds to me like you've got a good, loyal friend there, Watanuki. Sounds to me like you and him argue and yell at each other lots of times. But he still protects you, does he? Still stays by your side. And you, you don't want to admit to yourself that you and him are good friends, are you?"

Watanuki grew still. when he spoke, his voice was bitter and amused at the same time. "I don't want to admit it. I don't want to owe him. I... Honestly, everytime we meet each other, we scream and yell, well mostly me. He rams a finger into his ear and refuses to say anything except that I'm noisy, you know those types, do you? Silent and sulky... Oh, _and _he orders lunch from me. Like, after eating, he'll be oh, bring Fugu tomorrow. Makes me so damn irritated."

"But you have allowed him to become a permanent fixture, more or less, in your life." Greed's voice was casual as he picked up a riceball and inserted it into his mouth, chewing slowly. "Not good that," He mused thoughtfully. "Not good at all..." Watanuki glanced at the odd man, who was chewing a riceball slowly with those weird shark teeth. "You have friends? Close friends?" Watanuki asked, feeling curious, after he said so much... It was only right he replied.

"Yeah. Three... They're the closest... Others..."

"And who are they?"

"Watanuki." Greed turned a head towards him. "Do you believe some things don't exist at all in this world?"

"No." Watanuki shook his head and rolled his eyes mentally. After meeting Yuuko, he was pretty much convinced that all sorts of things existed.

"Good. Cos there is no such thing as no such thing. One of my key policies." Greed nibbled at the riceball, it was pretty much decimated to nothing. "Returning to your question, there's a pretty lady named Martyl, sharp of mind and tongue and worse with a knife, Dorchette, a regular doggy boy who has a rather enormous amount of pride. And Loa... The most sane, I reckon of all of us."

"Pretty lady?" Watanuki felt his lips turn upwards in a smile. "Oh my, Greed-san, you've a lady crush too!" Greed grinned and flapped his hand at him. "I s'pose so. Though not unlike you, I refuse to accept it. And she won't accept me either. I'm too much of a ladies man."

Watanuki's eyebrows shot up.

"Ladies' man...?" He felt a mild blush build up. "Greed-san... You're not a... Well." He took in Greed's clothing and the way he held himself. "YOU'RE NOT A PIMP ARE YOU!?" There was an unnaturally still silence after he shouted the question out loud. The birds stopped singing, the crickets stopped chirping, the wind seem to hold itself still and the whole world seemed to be waiting for Greed's response.

"Hnnh. Not a bad idea..."

Watanuki shrieked out loud, eyes popping and pointing a quivering finger at Greed. "YOU WON'T SUPPOSE TO SAY THAT AT ALL! THAT WAS UNWARRANTED! UNLICENSED! YOU SHOULD BE LIKE... Like... Like..." Watanuki pondered for a moment with Greed watching him with an amused look. "You should be, "NO! OF COURSE I'M NOT A PIMP! I'M A HONOURABLE LAW ABIDING MAN!" _THAT _SHOULD BE THE PROPER REACTION!"

Greed shrugged, his lips breaking out into a very evil shark toothed smirk. "You've given me an idea! Thanks!" Watanuki stared at Greed. And stared, feeling his horror mounting. "NO! I don't want to be the person who gave you the idea of making young women sell their bodies... Well..." He sputtered, his face going bright pink. Greed shrugged and picked up another riceball. "Too bad. You are the one who gave me that idea. So you're responsi -" Before he finished, Watanuki was hopping up and down all over the yard, screaming and tearing at his hair.

"OH NO OH MY GOD I'M THE FREAKING PERSON WHO GAVE BIRTH TO A PIMP -"

"You can't give birth! Unless Japan's men can give birth..."

"OF COURSE I CAN'T GIVE BIRTH, YOU CAN'T BE A PIMP, OH GOD NO -"

"You'll go bald at this rate if you continue ripping at your hair."

At that, Watanuki blew up.

"THAT. IS EXACTLY WHAT DOUMEKI SHIZUKA SAYS TO ME!"

"Really? I'm glad."

"HOW CAN YOU BE GLAD WHEN YOU'RE IMITATING THAT BASTARD YOU'VE NEVER EVEN MET BEFORE!!!!? AND YOU CAN'T BE A PIMP, IT WAS A SLIP OF A TONGUE -"

"But it sounds like such a good idea!"

"NOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!! YOU CAN'T BE A PIMP! WHAT IF HIMAWARI-CHAN FINDS OUT OH MY GOD NO, SHE'LL THINK I DISRESPECT WOMEN -"

"Do you think I'll ring her up and tell me you're the person who gave me the idea to start "Greed's Pimping Parlour"?"

"NO-- WHAT THE FUCK. "_GREED'S PIMPING PARLOUR"_?"

"Exactly! Nice ring to it, isn't it?"

"NOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!! NONONONO! YOU CAN'T, I'M BEGGING YOU, DON'T START TO BE A PIMP -"

"I'll put a nice big poster with hot ladies on it and print your name there in big red letters, "Watanuki Kimihiro, the man who gave me this idea!" what do you think about it, eh?

"NOOOO..."

And so it went on. Till the sky started to darken. And even Watanuki felt hunger pangs. Greed had finished the plate a long time ago as he riled up Watanuki with his suggestions of him starting to be a pimp. The boy had flopped himself down and said weakly as he stared at the mat filled with things to dust. "Oh,I'll continue this tomorrow. I can't stand it."

Greed nodded in agreement as he rose from his seat. Watanuki's eyes widened. "You're going?"

"Obviously..."

Watanuki nodded.

"Um."

"Yeah?" He was halfway to the gate.

There was this silence before the storm.

"YOU MADE ME MAKE RICEBALLS AND TALK WITH YOU THE WHOLE DAY AND YOU JUST LEAVE WITHOUT A WORD!? AND YOU STILL HAVEN'T PROMISED NOT TO START BEING A PIMP!"

Greed rubbed his chin mock-thoughtfully. "Oh... Of course. Thanks for the riceballs, Watanuki Kimihiro. And..." His lips twitched in the slightest hint of a smile. "I'll give you the answer to me not being a pimp next time I drop around..." He was out of the gate before the screaming began. He yelled back, without turning his head as he strolled away from the wish shop. "Oh, and ya know... Ya better thank that Doumeki Shizuka guy!"

"NO I WILL NOT!"

"I just knew you were going to say that!"

He turned around. the boy was standing at the gateway, a resolute look written all over his face as he glared at Greed. "BYE! AND HAVE A SAFE TRIP! AND DO NOT BE A PIMP! COME BACK NEXT TIME AND GIVE ME YOUR ANSWER, NE!?" The boy called, his yells growing fainter by the minute as Greed set foot on the dark, dank alleyway that served as a route to the wish shop.

"Yeaahh, I willl..."

Watanuki was left standing by the gateway of Yuuko's shop as the strange man disappeared into the night.

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"Greed, why the hell did you come back so late tonight?"

"Huh? How long was I gone?"

"You were gone from this afternoon to one a.m."

"Ohh..."

"OH. That's all you have to say after coming back so late!?"

"We're not superhumans, Greed!"

"I agree completely with Dorchette."

Greed rubbed his head as he grinned crookedly at the three, who had bags under their eyes and coffee cups set in front of them. "I... Well, you waited up at least. Say, what do you think of this idea a boy gave me? Should I be a pimp or not?"

Silence.

"You have exactly one minute to escape before I start throwing knives into you."

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Please review! 


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